Not worthy of comparison.

It's been about 8 months since I had surgery. I have not made a complete recovery, but I have yet to give up.  I feel stronger every day, but I've also have been in multiple funks about feeling like Im "stuck," & hit a plateau. I went against my #1 rule of things NOT to do & that's to google things. It'll convince you you're gonna croak. Many articles, people, therapists will say people recovering from a stroke do it in the first 3-6 months. This may be true for others but I also am aware my story is unique, and not worthy of comparison.  I'm making small improvements everyday, they're just harder to notice because they aren't as noticeable as things like - being able to walk & run again! 

When I hit the 6 month mark I'd be lying if I said I wasn't let down. I have high expectations of myself but I bounce back every time & remind myself of how blessed I am. When you're unable to walk then can within a few days into therapy , you feel like ALL of your problems are solved. Don't get me wrong, that feeling is unexplainable & was a huge accomplishment BUT... I totally forgot my entire left arm didn't work, and how much it is needed.  I loved occupational therapy, mostly because of my therapist, "C" who made it fun, but sometimes you just aren't as into it when you can't do a whole lot. I remember on my 2nd or third  session with C, I had to lay down flat and do some Range of motion exercises. The bed/table I was on was so much more comfortable than my hospital bed..... I fell asleep. I was so embarrassed I thought  right then & there I was getting discharged from therapy. Luckily, C thought it was funny & put me to work with the next task. To this day I believe I fell asleep from the morning Tramadol, that I quickly stopped taking. OT had me doing several different things (range of motion stretches, weight bearing, cognitive games/activities of daily living ) ....I began to really enjoy this giant peg jumping game the most. The goal was to get all of them out by jumping another peg? This was similar to the mini games with golf tees you'd find in cracker barrel, however Cleveland's scoreboard was a bit harsh. The first two times , I think I left so many pegs in the board due to getting stuck, my scores would basically say "find a new game." "This isn't for you. " It wasn't until C gave me a hint on which spot to start at that I was able to get a positive score like, "you're the bomb dot com." I believe at that point I called it a day wanting to end on a good note/win. A male therapist (E) had told me C had gotten all of the pegs out without cheating , however  I never witnessed it. I won't go into detail about the 25 piece puzzle I barely could do, or lacing up a shoe totally wrong. (yes. With my good hand. -this was before my speech therapist NK & SS made me smarter.

It was weeks later on a Saturday I was ready for my first real shower with supervision (behind the curtain) of a different occupational therapist. This session I felt was a disaster... However this OT told me I did great. I believe my shower alone took up my entire session not to mention taking forever to get dressed. The nozzle on the shower was actually broken, so I had to hold it between my legs while I used my shampoo, conditioner, and body wash. Luckily they were travel size so I was able to do those things on my own with one hand. The OT was extremely nice & checked on me often. Looking back, she was probably like "seriously...what is this girl doing?!?!?" In reality, it had been almost a month since I had a nice hot shower, plus I had to concentrate on that nozzle, being careful my scar wasn't getting too wet, & not leaning forward to avoid a somersault out of my chair while shaving my ankles. Finally, I absolutely needed help with the armpit shave. Some would be embarrassed by this but after wearing a brief & having others change/bathe you...not much of anything phases you. So I got the OT to come in which is when the nozzle fell out of my legs & caused a disaster. She was in scrubs & I felt awful. She told me it was okay & carried on with shaving my pits. She later told me C used to wear water shoes on shower days , and I totally understand why. It takes a special person to be an OT... if I had a patient like me & it was "shower day" I'd probably show up to that patients room with a wet suit, goggles, scuba tank, etc. I for sure thought after this day, and my 90 minute shower , I was done for. 

Luckily C STILL kept me on the ole caseload & gave me a second chance @ a shower.  This shower I was feeling generous on Cleveland 's water bill. I kept the shower time to 60 minutes. I didn't mean to, it just felt so good & the nozzle was fixed!! The rest of the session I was taught how to get dressed the easiest/safest. I remember my sweat pants taking forever and being so proud by the time I got them on.... Which is when C told me "good job but they're on backwards. " Once again, she didn't call it quits with me just then and felt so bad (or had to get to the next patient) she helped me put them on correctly. She taught me to use my big toe for help when putting on my socks & to always put my weak arm in my shirt first. About 6 months later I thought I had mastered this technique, until my head was stuck in my right arm sleeve. Turns out my head isn't as big as I thought.  Hoodie season is coming up soon & things are going to get interesting. C if you're reading this, thank you for all your tips & tricks, and dealing with my shenanigans. 

There was one more OT I really had a blast with from South Africa. I cannot recall her name but we had a great session & discussion on traveling, hiking, animals, and kayaking. She had asked where I like kayaking the most in which I replied, " the canals in my hometown off of Lake Erie." She was fascinated by this & asked if I ever have seen any whales in the lake. I thought this was freaking adorable & she will be the first person I notify if I find a whale in the lake. 

Another amazing therapist worth mentioning is somebody named MW & her student. This PT session was on a Saturday, the day before the Superbowl. I instantly connected with these two. They were funny as heck & MW  asked my sister if she was my mom. (sorry Jamie! I had to). MW was down to earth & put  me to work on the stairs. She also was extremely knowledgeable & has been to like 80 colleges... Except the best ( University of Michigan). I told MW & the student I was having a party Sunday for the game & they were invited. 

Neither showed up to my party, but they showed up with the most important thing for the party... Snacks. Delicious snacks were delivered to my room later that afternoon. This act of kindness made me feel so much more grateful than I already was. 

One of my second therapist I believe in neuro stepdown, SC, told me "we are going to be talking about you and your story for a long time," not knowing I'd be doing the same thing about all of them! (KW, NM, SS, MW, C, SC, AH). 

Another great person who played a huge role in regards to my outlook & optimism was my music therapist, L. It seemed like she always found me @ the best times... I was having the greatest day of my life after KW got me on my feet, & then L gave me a jam session. I rocked out as best I could with the foot tambourine on my left foot & incorporated my name in a few different songs... If you know "girl on fire." The remix is " Lindsay's on fire. " I can't explain how beneficial her job is & how talented her and her coworker were. This therapy was so much more than "fun." Being a recreation therapist myself, I knew the benefits this would have for me... Physically, cognitively, socially , & emotionally. Another thing I loved and appreciated about being here is the respect & awareness each person seemed to show towards rec. Therapy. Even the doctors knew about it, which you don't find everywhere. 

I cannot write this blog without talking about how amazing the nurses & pCNA's were to me. They were so good to me & treated me with the utmost respect. When the pCNA's were busy my nurses were happy to help me... made my bed, shower, open my cereal, chocolate milk,etc. One even saved me a slice of cheese pizza during the Superbowl game. Another one (M. S.) sang two amazing songs to me on my last night there after she passed out meds. It was incredible & so nice of her to do. I'm sure these workers  have bad days and days where it feels like everything is going wrong. - but they sure as heck didn't show it. I miss them... they started to feel like family. To this day I joke that I want to stub my toe & bring my bed to m-80 to be with me to be their patient again. One of the few neuro icu nurses I remembered (MC) who my family adored would take the time out of her day to visit me in rehab. 

Another thing that kept me going & continues to keep my spirits high is the continuous support I have from my family & friends. Strangers from across the country, an entire college (go Irish!) Cheerleading team, elementary classes, and so many more  have wrote to me or had sent gifts. I'm almost positive the mailman was sick of delivering mail to me. It was cool to see who reached out to me... People I'd never expect to hear from. These kinds of things just made me be a better person. It also made me want to reach out to any person who is going through a tough time. Hopefully I can help them the way people helped me. 

-this was way longer than I intended for it to be. Stay tuned for an update on my fall, outpatient therapy,  pain & emotions. Stay #VOStrong.